Biting

I am ready to literally strangle Dessa.

Last Friday, I received a call from her teacher saying that she had been biting, or pretending to bite, a child at school. She had also done this the previous Friday. Now, this is something that we have been working on for quite some time. It has come up in therapy repeatedly.

I emailed dad and Dessa's therapist, Lezli, asking for advice. Dessa was supposed to attend a sleepover for Guilee's birthday that night, followed by Guilee's actual party on Saturday, and I was planning on hosting a party for Dessa at the Mayan the following Friday, Dessa's birthday. My gut reaction was to cancel all her plans, Guilee's party and her own. But then I started feeling guilty about that.

I received advice from both dad and Lezli, and after thinking about it, I decided to not let her attend the sleepover that night, but if she behaved the rest of the day and the next morning, I would allow her to attend the actual birthday party on Saturday. Lezli and I discussed this and we both thought this would be a big deal for her and it would stop the bad behavior.

So, she threw a fit when I told her about the sleepover. But it wasn't anything near what I was expecting. And then she was fine. I let her go to the party on Saturday and spend a few hours after the party with Guilee.

Dessa had a session on Monday with Lezli. I was off work that day (having taken Annee to the doctor and finding out she possibly had mono) so I attended with her. We started out discussing the biting incident on Friday. Dessa was so nonchalant about it. She made it seem like it was no big deal to lose the sleepover and that it hadn't even fazed her to loose out on it.

Lezli and I were both worried about this. After much discussion, we agreed that I should cancel Dessa's party that was planned for Friday at the Mayan. We were discussing this, and it still didn't seem to bother Dessa at all. So, to make it more real, I got out my cell phone and started texting everyone that the partywas cancelled.

That was when she started crying. She did her usual fit of begging, saying she really wanted to have the party, etc. It was a mild fit, but not unexpected. She was calm well before the end of the session. Lezli had mentioned that I MIGHT think about rescheduling the party for some time in the future if Dessa behaved well. We also decided that for Friday night, we would stay home and clean the house, so that we didn't replace the party with something fun.

I knew there was a problem when Dessa didn't seem at all upset when I was telling Annee about cancelling the party. Annee was more upset than Dessa was! Then, this morning, when Tyler was asking about going to the Mayan still, (it was his choice of restaurant when I gave the kids each a chance to choose where we will eat out when I got our tax return), I said that I would be taking him and Annee, but not Dessa.

Then the fit started again. She was raging about how I never said she couldn't go out for a "family dinner" and it wasn't fair. And she was right, to a point. I had never told her I wouldn't be taking her to the Mayan for dinner, I just decided that was part of cancelling her party, that she wouldn't get to join us for dinner there either.

So I left her at mom's this morning upset about that, but still saying her party would be rescheduled in the future.

So, today, around 1ish, I received a call from the vice principal at Dessa's school. She said she had bitten a boy during lunch and then blatantly defied the hall monitors when they tried to re-direct her.

I don't know what else to do. Starting today, she will not be allowed to watch t.v., use the computer or any other electronic game, color, or do anything she thinks is fun. She will do her homework and sit on the couch and read at mom's after school, and spend lots of time in her room at home.

Other than this, I don't know what else I can possibly do!! I really thought cancelling her party would stop this. I just don't get why she keeps doing this. It makes no sense to me at all. NONE.