So tired

I am so tired of being tired! I can not seem to catch up on my sleep, no matter what I do. I didn't get up on Saturday until 11:00, and only then because dad called me. On Sunday, I woke up at 7, but then went back to sleep at 9 and didn't get up again until noon. I thought that would have helped me this week.

But, no. I am so exhausted all the time. I feel like I could sleep a week and still not feel awake.

However, I must admit that it may be my diet lately. Having no money for groceries makes whatever is cheap and easy the only choice. I have eaten a lot of sweet rolls lately, (there is a resident here that buys them a lot from the Church Office Building and sends them home with me,) cereal, and bags of donuts from Maverick. (Hostess donuts have been on sale, buy one get one for $.49 for several months now. It's hard for me to pass them up.) I know my stomach has been feeling it, so it's easy to say that my energy level will suffer also.

Now I know why people in poverty (at least in America) are so often overweight. It is way too easy to stop and grab 5 roast beef sandwiches for $5. I have one sandwich for the kids and I for dinner, and one for lunch the next day. Breakfast at McDonald's: 2 plain biscuits and a med Coke for $3. A box of cereal (usually kids type) for $2. Fruits, vegetables, and other healthy foods are expensive! It is so much easier to gain weight (or not loose it in my case) when you are on a very tight budget.

Life

So, things haven't settled down at all. I am so stressed about finances right now that I have a constant headache. I am just sick of all of it.

My rent may be raising at the end of November, so I am looking into other options right now. The one that seems most likely is that I will move my little family into Jess's house in Magna. I would be saving almost $100 a month if I do that. Although we would be sacrificing a lot of space, the money right now is a necessity.

Work is stressful as always. There is always talk of cutting our bonus, cutting our benefits, job security, etc. Enough talk to always make me dread the work week. However, I am blessed to at least have a job.

Kids are doing good. Last week was a tough week for Dessa, but hopefully being off track and getting a break from school will help her. She got in trouble for scratching her name in the brand new playground equipment. The principal was furious. While it was a bad thing she did, she was the unlucky first child to deface the new playground and received the wrath of Ms. Pearson. I restricted privileges for the week, but don't think it is a major issue. (Now that I have had time to think about it anyways. I was pretty upset about it on Wednesday, when I got the call from the school.)

GNI is this weekend. It is going to be great. Only problem, I asked Randy to take the kids this past weekend because I was so stressed last week. I am hoping I can talk them into it again this weekend. Although his mom was really interested in having the kids go there every afternoon, so I don't think it will be an issue. (She was trying to talk me into renting a house with Matt, Randy's brother, and his girlfriend, new baby, and her son. Um, I may be in trouble, but not that much trouble. Then, she also suggested the kids be transferred to Orchard and they go there after school so I can keep the money the state pays my mom for watching them. I don't know where she comes up with these ideas. Honestly.)

My head hurts. Sheesh. I can't wait for the day to be over. Less than 2 hours now. Ugh, but then I have to go home and do laundry, which I didn't get done over the weekend. It really never ends.

(PS: I might complain a lot, but I do have it really good. I have 3 great kids, a place to call home, and a steady income. I should really be less pessimistic about it all, but I am just in the mood to grumble.)

Hard Decisions

I have some tough decisions to make. With my budget the way it is, I have to cut everything to the bone. So I am thinking I will get a second line on my cell phone, which will be about $15-$20 more per month, and cancelling my cable/Internet/phone package which is $75 a month.

This is very painful. I am already feeling Internet withdrawals because our home computer is out of commission until dad can find time to rebuild it. (Stupid viruses anyway!) The thought of going without Internet for an extended period is extremely difficult.

I just don't know what to do. I have asked for deferments on 2 of my 3 student loans (I am trying to find the info for the last one,) I have cut all my payments to the bare minimum, with some of them below minimum, and I have had to cancel the counseling sessions for the girls. That one is the hardest one. They need it so badly, but I just can not justify $50 a week for that; not when I can't afford food and gas right now.

I actually got down to $1.20 in my account before this last payday. I can't believe how hard it has gotten. With my stupid insurance premiums that doubled in July, no child support for over 2 months, and everything else going on, I have whittled my way down to nothing. I have maxed my Walmart card buying groceries for heaven's sake!

I honestly don't know what else to do right now. Looking on the bright side though, if I cancel Internet and cable, that leaves a lot of time for us as a family to do things together. We can start walking everyday, like I have wanted to do for a long time. We can clean the house from top to bottom. We can put away all that clean laundry that keeps piling up because no one wants to fold it.

I guess there is a good side to everything. I just hope I can get out of this rut soon. I am more than used to struggling, but this is beyond struggling. This is drowning, slowly and painfully!