And it just doesn't feel right this year. I don't know why. I just feel off. I can't tell if it is the stress of the new job, the MUCH smaller Christmas, lack of sleep, or just nothing at all. It is really hard to explain.
It might also be because I am here at work on Christmas Eve, instead of with my kids. That definitely feels wrong. It's not like there is anything to do here anyway. We really should have been able to close - with pay of course.
It was really hard this morning watching the kids look at the presents under the tree. Tyler was saying he only had one, although I know there is more than one there for him. But the loot is definitely smaller than it has been in past years. You can still see the tree skirt! Granted, there are still the "Santa" gifts coming, and a bunch that are from ZSC contributions for us. But it was shocking to be completely finished with ALL of my gift wrapping at 10 p.m. last night. It usually takes me a lot longer than that to get done.
However, we have much to be grateful for and I need to stop focusing on the negative. I have a great job that I like. (Can't say that I love it yet; it is still too stressful, not knowing exactly what to do.) I am getting a 3% raise starting next month. My family is healthy. We have a home to live in and food to eat. I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I need to stop obsessing with things I can't change and focus on those good things.
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