You have to be freakin kidding me...

So, I just talked to my kids' father. He asked me if he was a bad person. I told him I wasn't the one he should be asking. He said he thought so too, meaning he was a bad person. I asked him what brought this on. Apparently the girl he is with right now is accusing him of finding ways to accuse her of cheating. Confusing, I know. But then he started crying and said that the only time he felt secure in a relationship was with me. He said he knew we fought a lot, but he felt he belonged and was needed. He said he has never felt secure in a relationship since. And he is crying while saying this.

So, I tell him that I have thought for a long time that if I was a stronger person and tried harder, we never would have split up. He agreed, saying he should have tried harder also. He said he wouldn't know how to get back to that now though, as we are both so different now.

I tell him the only thing I can think of, that he needs to go back to church. I told him that the church is where I found my true happiness, where the truth is. He agreed and said he has been seriously thinking about it. (This is where my jaw would be dropping.) I can not believe it....

He wants to spend time with the kids this weekend really bad he said and asked if I would go with them at least. I told him not if it was on Sunday unless he wanted to go to church with us. (I know, what was I thinking!!!) He said he would seriously consider it and talk to me Saturday after the wedding shower.

Oh my goodness...what have I started? This isn't the first time he has made me think of the (hugely remote) possibility of getting back together. The other times, he has never mentioned church, nor have I. Then, the next pretty face he sees he is gone. I really think it has something to do with his being bi-polar. He gets on a low and thinks of going back to good times. Then he gets manic and is all over the place. And each time, I have fallen for it and been sucked into his being all nice and repentant. Then I get crushed when he won't talk to the kids (or me) for months on end is making all sorts of crazy, insane decisions (like having this current chick move in with him. Right before that happened, I was duped into thinking he wanted to go out with me again...sucker that I am.)

Man alive, I can't believe this is happening again. Why do I allow him to suck me in? Don't I ever learn? Sheesh already....