I was thinking this morning of my place in all the drama last night. I can't help but think that I started it all. I know I didn't make the choices of all these people, but I was the first pregnant girlfriend. I was the first dysfunctional marriage. I was the first divorce. I was the first bad example.
Would all of their lives have been different if I had made better choices? Could I have been a force of good if I had been strong enough to do the right thing right at the beginning? Could I have helped them see the light and happiness that I feel in the Temple?
I know it doesn't do any good to dwell on the past, but it still hurts to think of all the consequences of my choices back then. I can't help but think that I hurt a lot more people than I ever imagined, beyond my own family.
Well, the best thing I can do now is be an example of good, to help my children grow up knowing better and (hopefully) choosing a better path.
3 comments:
YOU are NOT to blame for what's happening in that family! Each individual is responsible for their own choices. You share in the drama of the family because of your choices, but they chose the path they were and are taking. Do not blame yourself, but do keep showing a good example! They are good people who just don't seem to see or understand the long-term harm and heartache their actions have caused and continue to cause.
Jenn, I totally agree with Dad. You made a wrong choice back then, but that was back then. Do not weigh yourself down because of what they're doing. Everyone is accountable for their own choices and you have made the steps necessary to better your life while they are taking steps to make their lives more miserable. Please do not get caught up in blaming yourself. Take care of your kids and take care of yourself. That's all that matters at this point. I love you Jenn!
Josh
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